I'd like my first post to start with my amazing (and terrifying) journey to motherhood. Levi and I knew from the very day we said "I do" that we wanted to start a family right away. We both loved children and to be able to have our own was something we just couldn't wait to do. On January 14, 2011 (5 months after our wedding day) We found out the most exciting news that we could ever know. Now...like I said before...we had waited for this moment for 5 months. Pregnancy test after pregnancy test would be trashed with a negative response for months in disappointment. So when I read the word "pregnant" on the test you can imagine what I felt...actually...I felt disbelief, excitement, fear, and joy all bundled into one big ball that settled into my already uneasy stomach. "Am I really ready to be a mommy?" I thought to myself as I sat there with my heart pounding. Well ready or not we would have a baby in 9 months. I called Levi in to the room to tell him the news. I could see how proud he was to know he was going to be a "daddy" in just months from that moment. Of course we cried...laughed...hugged...and asked the infamous question "well what do we do now?" I call my very sweet friend/coworker Lindsay to get doctors names at St. Vincent's (because that's where babies come from of course) and I scheduled an appointment. A few weeks later we saw our special little gift from God (No bigger than a pea) and heard the beautiful melody of a healthy heart beat. It was that moment that I felt pure, never-ending love.
Well...skipping ahead to the 9th month. I had a very good pregnancy...aside from low iron I stayed very healthy and risk-free. I worked through my entire pregnancy (to the very day I went into labor) I actually was one of those weird people who loved being pregnant...until about the 8th month...when the joy of carrying a life turned into carrying 27 extra pounds of weight around. I became miserable. I had awful swelling (no i didnt have toxemia) and being pregnant in mid to late summer was HOT. I was ready for this baby to be in my arms instead of my belly. I walked and stayed fairly active during it all. I remember thinking "37 weeks is considered full-term...I could have him now and he would be okay" So in a way I was hoping he would hurry and come to relieve some of my exhaustion. That day was like any other day. I got up, got ready, grabbed breakfast, and ran out the door to go to work. I worked until 5 and came home and just didn't feel good. My stomach hurt and I was extremely tired. I fell asleep on the couch and barely woke up to kiss Levi as he left for work (He was working nights) I woke up at about 7:30 cramping. Not bad but noticeable. I thought maybe it was just something I ate or the way he was laying or something. I wrote it off. Well it just never went away. I went and took a warm bath and texted Levi to tell him. He said "Jessica you might be in labor" and i said "noo its prob something else...I'll just ask at our Dr's appointment tomorrow because I'd hate to be sent home" Well...Levi ended up coming home at 11 (just in case) After a fair night of sleep and a call to work saying i wouldnt be coming in that day...we loaded up the car with all of our luggage and drove to st vincent's in hopes we would not be coming home as a family of 2 but a family of 3. I get to the doctor and he checks me. I was at 3 centimeters! I was sent down to labor and delivery to monitor my contractions to make sure my contractions were actually contractions. They kept me over night to see how fast my body would progress itself without inducing because I was only 37 weeks and 6 days (yes he came early). At 5 that next morning I was at 5 centimeters so they decided to induce. I then got my epidural at 7 centimeters ...people ask why I waited so long...i was so afraid it would slow things and I wanted to be good and ready because I was more afraid of the epidural than labor itself. Well the epidural was nothing. After that...everything was numb from the waste down. After 36 minutes of pushing...at 11:16 am on September 9, 2011. Dr McKee handed me my very own baby boy (Bryson Maddox Blanchard) weighing in at 6lbs 8ounces and 20 inches long. I had never felt so over-whelmed with so much love. Tears of joy flooded down my cheeks as I counted fingers and toes to make sure everything was just perfect...and he was. I had decided at the beginning of my pregnancy that I wanted to nurse (you'll ask why this is relevant but it is) Our first nursing session went pretty well. After that the family came in to meet our little man. He was passed around from grandparent to grandparent with oos and ahhs circling the room. He was sculpted so perfectly by the very hand of God. Three hours after he was born. The crowd died down and went home. Lance (my wonderful father-in-law) stayed around just for a little extra Bryson love. We were all starving so Levi and Lance went across the street to McDonald's to get a bite to eat while me and bryson had another nursing session. This time it wasnt going quite so well...he seemed to have problems latching and would fuss. The nurse came over to help and we both noticed his color just didnt seem right. He started appearing blue around the mouth. She grabbed him up and took him to his crib and put an oxygen mask on him and measured his O2 stats. In that very moment I realized what the quote meant when saying "when you have children, you choose to let your heart walk outside of your body" At that very moment I felt my heart leave with him when she took him away from me. Every second felt like an eternity. I didnt know what to do. I felt completely hopeless. I called Levi and told him to get up there now. Within minutes he was there. By this time Bryson appeared to be breathing fine. The Pediatrician came in and evaluated him and decided it would be best to monitor him closely in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) These words were the worst words I have ever heard in my entire life. My heart sunk and every thought rushed through my head. "what's wrong with him?" "Why is this happening to my baby?" " I thought I did everything right." I blamed myself. He depended on me solely for 9 months to grow healthy and I failed him. It had to be me. I did something wrong during pregnancy. In all of that I felt like the greatest moment of my entire life had been robbed of me. I had pictured going home in 2 days to a completely new life. They asked if we wanted to walk down with him and I said yes. They brought a wheel chair for me. While entering the hall behind his crib all I could do was hide my face and the tears. Everyone stared in sorrow for me but I was embarrassed because I completely let myself go. I literally balled the whole way there and the whole way back. They wouldnt let us stay because they wanted to do some tests. They called about an hour later telling us he had another blue spell while lying there and the nurse had to actually startle him to get him breathing again. So the tests began. First a spinal tap to check for meningitis. Thankfully it was negative and from there stemmed ultrasounds, x-rays, blood work and of course IVs. Everything coming back normal. Finally an upper GI was done to check for acid reflux. We had our answer. It was such a relief to know that it was something that simple. We were able to go home then (one week after birth). The whole week seemed like a blur...from staying with my brother to be closer to Bryson. To the early morning trips to the hospital just to sit and look at him lie there helplessly but knowing we were there every step of the way. I don't think we slept that week. Leaving the hospital was full of emotions in itself. Glad that we finally got to go home but fearful because we didnt have the nurses to call when we had a question. We made it home though and did our best to keep the nervousness hidden for each other.
Well, I wish I could say it was all uphill from there. But it wasnt. One week after being home from the hospital Bryson started projectile vomiting. We had blankets all over the place to catch it even hours after he ate. It was clear that it was very painful for him. I couldnt understand why his food wasnt digesting. The only way it left his stomach was coming back up. I took him to the pediatrician's office 3 times that week and was told basically that he had reflux and sorry. Well then his weight started dropping and it was taken a little more seriously. We were then told he needed another ultrasound of his stomach and quick and the fastest way to get that done would be the Children's ER. So we load up and go only to be sent home with the reason of he has reflux and the ER is really for emergencies only. Well to me this was an emergency. My child was clearly sick. We told our pediatricians what happened and they got on the phone and explained the situation to the GI specialist at children's and they were gracious enough to squeeze us into there schedule for two days later. Now let me back up to say that I had two long distance cousins whose baby boys had a condition called Pyloric Stenosis. This is a condition where the muscle that empties the contents of the stomach into the small intestines becomes over-worked and tightened to the point where the stomach couldnt empty. So knowing this...I walked into the room and said I wanted an ultrasound of his stomach to check for Pyloric Stenosis and she could basically look at him and tell that it was very likely. After 2 ultrasounds and a weight that was 2 ounces below his birth weight (he was 3 weeks old) we had our answer. It was Pyloric Stenosis. The only way to cure it is to do a minor surgery to cut that muscle so it would relax. I was afraid but relieved to know that this would take care of the problem. They had to put an IV in his head because he was severely dehydrated and his veins kept blowing out. Well his surgery was the next day and took only about 30 minutes to do the entire procedure. They went in through his belly button for minimal scarring. After an additional day in the hospital to make sure he was eating well we were discharged...this time for good. We went home and he was finally happy. We still had problems with his reflux but all in all he was a good baby.
I am happy to say that he is nearly 4 months old now and weighing about 14 pounds. He is a happy, healthy little boy whose curiosity and growth develops more and more each day. It is such an amazing feeling watching him grow and develop. To distinguish what faces look like me (which are few) and which faces look like his daddy (spitting image). Our Journey started out difficult. With a brokenness I hope to never feel again. If it werent for my faith and my husband I dont know what I would have done. Although it was a difficult situation, one thing I was reminded of was not to just cry out to God when things go wrong, but also to cry out to God when things go right. I felt horrible knowing it had been a little while since I had actually prayed and thanked God for everything going right in my life that when calling on Him for help I felt incredibly unworthy...Yet, knowing He was there and He heard my cries. It just shows what an amazing God we have. He answered my prayers.
I know this was a long first blog but I had some catching up to do. Hope you enjoyed our story.
I loved your story! Bella was also born at 11:16 am :-). I'm so happy that Bryson is doing great now. The little guy has already had a journey. You keep posting & I'll keep reading!
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