I just heard some news that another long term marriage has split and its triggered some pretty in depth thoughts in my head. What is going on out there? I mean...these people were married for years and just suddenly gave up for whatever reason. I will try to be considerate in the fact that not all marriages last. I will start by some interesting statistics thanks to divorcerate2011.com
Divorce statistics in the United States
*Almost 49 percent of the marriages end up in divorces
*First marriages end up in divorces in an average duration of just less than 8 years
*60 percent of all divorces are related to individuals aged 25 to 39
*There were more than 21 million divorces in the year 2000. In the same year, 58 million couples were married and still lived separated
*The average male age for a second divorce was 40.4 years and the average female age was 37.3 years in 1990
*The divorce rate of first time marriages is almost 10 percent lesser than the divorce rate for second marriages
*Over a 40 year period, 67 percent of first marriages terminate in a divorce and 50 percent of these divorces take place within the first 7 years
*Every year more than 1 million children are affected by divorce
Divorce statistics regarding the risk of divorce
*In case of individuals who have attended college, the risk of divorce is less by 13 percent
*If a person has strong religious beliefs, the risk of divorce is 14 percent less
*When the parents are happily married, the risk of divorce of their children decreases by 14 percent
*Those who marry for the first time after they attain the age of 25, in their case the risk of divorce is less by 24 percent
*If the yearly income is more than 0.5 million USD, the risk of divorce decreases by 30 percent
Effects of divorce on children
*The possibility that teenage girls from single parent homes would give birth to an out-of-wedlock child or would drop out of high school is two times as compared to girls living with both parents
*The children who are brought up in single parent homes display a lesser possibility to marry and more possibility to divorce
*50 percent of the children in the country are a witness to the breakup of their parent’s marriage. *Almost half of these 50 percent are a witness to the second divorce of a parent
*From 1970 to 1996, the number of children residing with both parents plummeted from 85 to 68 percent
Now with that information let me remind some of you who may not know, I myself have been a victim of divorced parents. Fortunately I was only 18 months old and too young to know any different. I Had an amazing step-father who was involved from a very early age and treated me as his own. I also had a father who was very involved with me and my growing up. So I considered myself to be a very lucky girl. Not only did I have one dad but I had two! As a child there were several times I remember wondering what my life would have been like if my biological parents would have stayed married.
Anyways, my question is, why does the divorce rate continue to rise every year? Have we forgotten the sacredness that surrounds the whole unity of marriage. I understand that things happen that just sometimes can't be fixed, but are we giving up too quickly? I feel like so many people go into a marriage with the thought, "well if it doesnt work we'll just get divorced". Treating marriage like a JR High boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. "We'll just break up when it gets hard"
I've noticed a lot of the parents of people my age are just suddenly getting a divorce which lead me to writing this. After careful thought I began to try to put some sense into it all. I just wonder why now? After 28, 29, 30 or more years of marriage... what went wrong now after all of this time? And then I considered maybe it was the impact of your children being grown and gone with a life of there own (I really wasn't intending on that to rhyme). I just wonder if people lose their ability to find happiness solely in each other and enjoy the company of just the two of you. Life gets so busy with children. It is a 24/7 job in itself. Soon your priorities change to doing all you do in life to please your children. And that is completely fine. But I also believe that we are getting so caught up in other aspects of life (but who can blame us...we have to keep up right?) with work, children, housework, yard work, and of course your "me- time" all done in 24 hours with 8 hours of sleep. Life sometimes gets ahead of itself and we forget to sit back and just push the pause button and enjoy what you saw in each other that very day you said "I Do" You don't have to spend money and you dont have to spend hours. A simple hug and kiss and "how was your day?" will go far. Of course you still need to plan a date night if not once a week at least once a month... just to remind you of who you chose to share your life with that very special day.
*“Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank’.”
*When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life
*I explained that what makes one person feel loved emotionally is not always the thing that makes another person feel loved emotionally.
*It isn’t enough to just be in the same room with someone. A key ingredient in giving your spouse quality time is giving them focused attention, especially in this era of many distractions
*Some husbands and wives think they are spending time together when, in reality, they are only living in close proximity
Anyways, I felt the need to share this tonight. Hopefully it will remind us that marriage is a sacred unity between two people before God. It shouldnt be taken lightly and vows shouldnt go erased. A lot of people seem to forget the part that says "or worse, in sickness, or for poorer" They just hear the " For better, and in health, and for richer"
Marriage takes work...just like anything else in life thats worth having. Nothing in life comes easy and stays that way. Love is a growing up and growing up means more responsibility. It is such an amazing feeling...You spend your entire life searching for that person and preparing for that moment. You take things to the next step and get married, then express your love through children. Never, ever forget the beginning. How you had butterflies in your stomach when you would get a call from them. Or how you would try to hide your awkwardness during that very special first kiss. Those are the moments to fall back on. Always remind yourself when things get hard of what made you fall in love in the first place. I have only been married for 1 1/2 years to the most amazing husband a girl could ask for. We went into our engagement/marriage knowing that divorce wasnt an option. We made a promise to each other that if things go rocky we would both do everything we could to fix it. Counseling, therapy, whatever it took. I know we have just started out but keeping the sanctity of marriage is the key. Remembering that God created marriage. As long as He's involved then there is ALWAYS a chance.
Matthew 19:4-6
Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
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